Here are some example scenarios and outcomes that demonstrate how NEST can work in groups that have an agreed social code of conduct:
It's Andrew's birthday and he's out with his mates having a laugh at the pub. They're jokingly calling each other names that they have used in their social group for years, including the word "c**t". Yuki is also at the party, but finds that word offensive.
Yuki knows everyone else at the table, and The Code means Yuki finally has a context in which to mention how she feels about this word. Since she feels safe with them, she asks if they could please stop using that word. Andrew and his mates remember The Code and apologise, then move on.
Denise is black and Freja is European. They have a lot of the same friends, but it's their first time meeting. Freja says "Wow, your hair is so cool!" and reaches to touch it.
Denise is getting tired of this kind of thing, and almost dismisses it, but she read The Code before coming to the party, so she decides it's OK to address it. She smiles at Freja and says "I'm not sure that you realise, but it's actually a bit rude to touch black people's hair. Not only is it an invasion of my space, but it also highlights our racial differences, and it puts me in a position of being objectified. As a woman, I'm sure that's not something you'd want to do to another person, right?". Freja apologises and Denise says "No worries, it's always good to learn something about each other's culture."
Ana is all smiles since she's wearing a dress that makes her feel amazing. Bob sees Ana smiling at him, so he whispers into Ana's ear that he loves her dress, but would like it even more on his bedroom floor. Ana laughs and moves away.
Ana asks her Party Pal Cherie to have a word, because her wardrobe & smiles shouldn't be interpreted as an invitation for sex. Cherie asks Bob's Party Pal Raj to have a quiet word to ask Bob to remember The Code. Bob says OK, Raj lets Cherie know so she can tell Ana, and then everyone goes about their business of having a nice evening out.
Avery likes to wear ballet tutus, even though he's a little boy. This makes Charles uncomfortable, so he makes a private comment to Dion at the family reunion that Avery's parents must not care that their son is going to turn out to be a homo.
Dion adopts a friendly tone and says to Charles that masculinity sure is different from when he was a kid, and that he knows it can be hard to keep an open mind about what it means to be a man today. Dion goes on to say that while Avery's behaviour is not hurting anyone, Charles's words could be hurtful to Avery and his parents. Dion gently reminds Charles that The Code means that comments like that are not welcome here.
Peter is feeling loved up because he's on ecstasy. His inhibitions are down, and he's feeling like he wants to give everyone in the room a snog. He's having a great conversation and feeling a strong connection to Sally, so he starts stroking her back and the sides of her torso. Sally says she's going to get a drink, but actually runs off to the bathroom because she feels embarrassed and awkward, where she runs into Barbara.
Barbara knows that Peter might not be in the right headspace to understand that what he did to Sally was wrong. She has a word with Peter's best friend Mathias, who agrees that he'll keep an eye on Peter and if necessary, quietly suggest to Peter that he give Sally some space for the night. Mathias and Barbara agree to have a conversation later in the week to decide how to take things forward as intermediaries for Peter and Sally. Barbara lets Sally know the plan, so she can feel safe the rest of the night without needing to look over her shoulder.
John and Pablo used to be a couple, but now they're just friends. Pablo has been feeling down because his new boyfriend dumped him, so he wants to hook up with John because the sex was always amazing and he knows it will make him feel better. Throughout the party, Pablo keeps making passes at John and eventually follows him upstairs and pushes him into the bedroom. They start kissing, and Pablo grabs John's hand and puts it down his pants. John says "I'm not sure this is a good idea", but Pablo says "You know you want this" and holds his hand there. John remembers how great the sex was, and almost talks himself into going with the flow; after all, he doesn't want to hurt Pablo's feelings, and it might be fun... but then he recognises that this is not what he really wants to do. He says, "Pablo, you know I care for you but I don't want to have sex with you tonight."
The scenario has created lots of awkward feelings for both Pablo & John throughout the evening. Later in the week, John calls Pablo to see if he is OK after the breakup. Pablo and John have a close friendship, so John feels safe bringing up the incident with Pablo directly. John reminds Pablo that they've both agreed to The Code, and that Pablo's behaviour wasn't appropriate. John explains that what happened at the party wasn't consensual, regardless of the fact that they used to be romantically involved. They have a discussion about what their relationship looks like now that they are no longer together, and they agree to keep things platonic in future.
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or see examples of unwelcome behaviour.